Monday, 22 February 2016

Dirtbag Rollo of Normandy

Recently in the Ubergroup, Merry Ravenell asked me a very important question about the historical context of my book:

Why didn't the Vikings just abduct the French women and sail home? Why set down roots? Rollo just married a Christian woman, got himself a duchy and ... ?

In response, I present to you the newest instillation of Comically Short Histories of the Western World:

Dirtbag Rollo of Normandy  

with credit to Mallory Ortberg of The Toast for original Dirtbag series, legitimizing the half-assed way I plot my books by establishing a 'stylistic convention.'


Rollo: k, so I'm taking this, mine nao. I'm here with my best bitch Poppa

King Charles of West Francia: NO THIS IS MY LAND EXCUSE YOU KINDLY GTFO.

Rollo: LOL viking

Charles: FU

**Charles attacks**

Rollo: okay I do admit that actually kind of stings but ur still not getting me out of here.

Charles: **wheezes in exhaustion** Well, here's the Treaty of Saint-Clair-sur-Epte and you're my... vassal. Yes. We meant to do this. You will marry my daughter Gisele and your son with Gisele will inherit. So. It's for your kids. And also my kids. And you're gonna stop raiding churches, because you're Christian now, not a big scary pagan.

Rollo: Fine whatever. Dunk me in ur stupid tub. I don't actually need to keep nicking the shit in ur churches when I have a regular income.






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